the lamb has moved

I'm over here now. Come with or just read old crap. Your call.

Two posts in one day?! WTF!

But it's too good.  Click the link below to read it.

How To Be Remarkable

LOVE IT.

Love, love, love

...it isn't all you need, but it sure helps.

Tough times lately - for everyone.  Every night, I pray for everyone, even for those who challenge my patience.  I'm not ultra-religious or anything, but I think it's nice to send those good thoughts out there.  Sending good vibes into the world for another is kinda cathartic.  Empathy is so hard to come by nowadays because this economy's got us all thinking about ourselves (rightfully so, to a certain extent). I am certainly guilty of thinking of myself too much.  I'm trying to pull back on that.

Now for a law school update.  Two more months and the hell that is 1L will be over.  I was listening to Jim Rome the other day on the way to work (yes, work), and he said something about the US Hockey team before we were in the Gold Medal game.  It wasn't profound, but it hit home.  He said, "Don't ASSUME anything. Eyes on the prize.  Nothing is guaranteed."  So true, Rome.  So true.

I love thinking about life in terms of sports.  Law school is like a boxing match.  When you underestimate your competition, you will likely get schooled.  If you give your competition the credit they deserve, you have a fighting chance because you'll show up prepared.  Lastly, if you don't believe in yourself - I mean, believe that you deserve to be there - all your preparation will be worthless.

I underestimated my competition last semester.  I'm just lucky my grades didn't rip me a new one.  Trust that I give them each the credit they deserve now, but in addition, I am giving myself the credit I deserve, too.  You have to be fully present in the moment for something to feel real.  I'm finally present and ready to work harder than ever.  This is IT.  This is my shot.  YEOWWWWWWWWW

Waiting to Exhale

I didn't understand the title to that movie until just now.  I just realized how many times a day I hold my breath, whether in anticipation or in frustration or in fear.  Not that there's a ton to fear in my world since I am always only in one of four places: school, work, home, or at my mom's house.  I don't hold my breath on purpose.  It just happens.

Holding my breath kinda gives me a headache.  I don't like headaches.  It also makes my breathing a bit shallow.  It also cuts off oxygen to my brain, which is maybe why I've been a little forgetful (or maybe it's just that I am getting old).  What am I waiting for anyway?  Maybe that by some miracle, the fog will lift and everything in my world will make complete sense again.  But that's not reality - not my reality at least.  Fog doesn't just miraculously lift in law school or in marriages or in friendships; you have to wade through it - and I guess that's the point.  Things are uncomfortable right now (don't worry, the marriage is fine) and the best thing a person can do in this situation is sit with the discomfort.  Tolerate it.  Feel it.  Accept it without trying to manipulate it or change it.  Besides, life wouldn't be as fun if it always made sense.  There's no reason to fight it.  Now if I could only take my own advice...

Where is this all coming from??  Well, I'll tell you.  I'm reading a book called "A Year to Live" by Stephen Levine.  It's an experiment of what it would feel like to live a full year like it's your last.  It's made me a lot more conscious of how I feel and why I feel it.  It has also encouraged me to have a little more compassion and patience for others, and most of all, myself.  It's pretty awesome so far, and I'm only on Day 4.  I highly recommend it if you're the touchy-feely, emotionally-deep type who likes getting in touch with your inner self.  Or if you just wanna try something new.

Grades (and other stuff)

Grades are in!  They weren't straight A's (as I had so often fantasized over winter break), but I got at least one A and no B-'s or C's.  Plus, I got an awesome grade on my graded memo :)  I've been trying not to dwell on the grades I am less pleased with, but I was finding it difficult to not be a little disappointed.  One walk around our neighborhood in Santa Monica and all that disappointment just disappeared.  With so many people homeless and in need, I realized that if my biggest problem is having a couple of B's on my transcript, I don't have problems at all.  I'm just a crybaby with control issues.

Over winter break, we started a new project to help the homeless in our community.  We are collecting thermoses (sp?) and filling them with hot tea.  We pack a little snack bag to go with it and give our care package to a person in need in our 'hood.   Our first new friend, Daniel, was teary-eyed and thankful when we presented him with the thermos and bag.  If you have a thermos you'd like to donate, please let me know.  We will make sure it gets used by someone in need.

Hope 2010 is good to you and yours :)

amber is the color of your energy

...you've launched a thousand ships in my heart.

i think of myself in comparison to my law school counterparts and i am so dramatic.  i swear.  it's a little ludicrous.  but, there's a person who can bring me back down from the heights of ridiculous (or sometimes he lets me stay there for a while, just to pacify my pain).  he can talk me down from the mental ledge that stands between me and most emotional outbursts.  he stays calm in the eye of the storm and it helps me stay focused (or distracts me when i need it - and he wakes me up from my ten minute naps).

this is an ode to my law school hero - nick lamb.  thanks friend.  you're kind of okay.

laziest (but still good) breakfast ever

step 1:  buy canadian bacon (nice b/c it is already cooked and perfectly shaped for our purposes), eggs, and extra crisp english muffins, and american cheese

step 2:  wake up in the morning feeling super lazy and wanting something warm to eat

step 3:  put a split muffin in toaster, beat an egg then put it in a coffee cup that's been sprayed with PAM, put said coffee cup in microwave and heat for 40 seconds exactly.  by this time, your muffin should be about done.  layer the canadian bacon and american cheese on one side of the muffin and turn the coffee cup over onto your little muffin mountain of breakfast goodness.   top with other half of muffin and you've got yourself a cute little breakfast sandwich.

oh yeah, and put that coffee cup in the dishwasher.

swirling leaves and swirling thoughts

i always say that i hate it when it is windy and that's only partially true.   when it is windy and i am on campus, i don't hate it as much.  it makes me think of my first fall quarter at UCLA and what an exciting time in my life that was.

this is an exciting time, too, and sometimes i have to remind myself of that out loud (literally tell myself that this is exciting).  i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but the tough moments are usually the moments a person remembers the most - because of all the effort it took to make it through and whatnot.  i can't wait til i can look back at this time in my life and think about how silly i was to worry about the things i worry about now.  in the end, i know my worries are silly sometimes, but it's easy to forget that when i'm so close to it.  myopic perspectives are generally not conducive to rational thoughts.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

best week of law school by far.  two of my fave people are in my study group now.  BOOYA.  also, we ate really well...spicy ramen, lobster, homemade chili, filet (it was a week of indulgence...not the usual pb&j's).  the girls came over for some wine and venting - have i told you i know the funniest girls in law school?  it wasn't hard to find them...just see who laughs at your jokes and VOILA.  (this method operates under the assumption that i'm remotely funny)

to top it off, on the ride home from [a fabulous] dinner tonight, my mom told me how elated she was about how i "turned out" - she told me how proud she was of me and all that kind of good stuff.  i cried.  seriously.   i mean, isn't that all i've really ever wanted?? to make my momma proud?!  it was one of my bestest moments ever.

and i'm gonna make her even prouder.  just you wait and see!  

Loves + Pet Peeves (in law school and in real life)

...because law school is not representative of real life.

Loves:
really good food (duh), pictures of really good food, inside jokes, cookbooks, funny people, cyberstalking, red red wine, office supplies, color-coding, freshly washed sheets, nutella on anything, vintage prints, wit and sarcasm and other crap.


Pet Peeves 
In Law School:
1.  Gunners.  ENOUGH SAID.
2.  People who try to get to their locker and shove you along the way and don't even say sorry!  HMPH.
3.  Extra loud talkers - in class, at the library, in the courtyard, and in the ladies room.  You're at a 10 and I need you at a 2.
4.  Words I have to look up in the law dictionary.

In Real Life:
1.  Chronic tardiness - it's insulting.  Everyone is late once in a while but when it's habitual, I will put you on the shit list in permanent marker.
2.  Really old nail polish on dirty toes, especially if you are dressed really nicely.  It's just an attention to detail thing.
3.  Protruding undergarments with the exception of bra straps (because I can't hate on you for a stray bra strap every now and then).  If I can see your bra or your underwear sticking out from your clothing, it makes me cringe.
4.  Excessive complaining/general ingratitude.  This is not to say I don't complain, because making this list is a complaint in itself.  I just don't like it when people complain about dumb things too often.  If you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back, I think you're in pretty good shape.

i want to...

...ram my head into a wall.

wow

law school sucks sometimes. i never believed you brian park. i never believed you and i'm sorry.